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Chivalry is Not Dead: Learning to Let a Man Take Care of You

Saturday, Oct 23rd

Last update 07:02:40 PM EST

Chivalry is Not Dead: Learning to Let a Man Take Care of You


When it comes to life and dating, there are so many mixed messages black women get from various places. We are taught at a very young to be strong and self reliant.

A lot of us carry that mentality into every facet of our lives, but we are rarely taught how to be taken care of. It is foreign to most career black women who spend their lives “handling it” to allow a man to take care of them.

Black women have the hardest time learning to be independent and dependent at the same time. On one hand, we  don't want or need a man to do anything, but then we want to be taken care of emotionally.

But here’s a secret, most men want to take care of you. For them it’s their manly duty to treat a woman they like with respect. But with today’s modern woman carrying the lion’s share of the load, is there any room left for chivalry?

As you can imagine, this intricate dance between the male and female species can become a slippery slope and lead to a number of dating disasters. Nevertheless, many women often complain that men don’t know how to treat a lady--men don’t open doors, they don’t pull out your chair for you and they don’t kill spiders. Could this be true so I asked a few brothers, “When it comes to dating, how chivalrous are you?”

Brace yourselves ladies the answers were surprising.

“I’d like to be more chivalrous but women are so used to roughnecks that they don’t receive it well and I don’t feel appreciated for my effort” says Marc, a single 30 something and successful poet.

“There are certain things a man just should do for a woman but women these days just don’t know or are not receptive to it,” says Dameoyn, a 20 something grad student.

“A man with confidence, good character and integrity will treat a woman with courtesy, respect and decency,” says Lugene, a married man who still boastfully treats his spouse with chivalrous acts.

So why do women reject chivalry when it happens and how can we open ourselves up to it? Here are some tips:

1. Let the man open the door for you. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of mandatory respect - a respect that you deserve as a woman.

2. Let him buy you dinner on the first date. If you make six figures and he works as a bus driver, it’s still his responsibility. Otherwise you can take yourself out to dinner.

3. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t approach your dating life as if you are superwoman. Besides, as far as we know, superwoman could be in a therapy right now.

Setting moderate dating expectations up front can ultimately help you in reaching your long term relationship goals. Men look to women to allow them to be just that…men. Men don’t want to feel that they are dating someone who doesn’t need them. So on your next date, stand aside and wait for him to open the door, let him pay that check and by all means, don’t kill any spiders with those new Louboutin’s. Let him take care of you.

Photo Source:www.gaylordhotels.com

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